Anxious talaga ako ngayon.
Earlier this afternoon, we had a meeting with none other than the great Dean Iris Chua-So [and yes... idol ko rin po siya---dalawa lang sila ni Ms. Chin]. There was no mention of her rumored resignation whatsoever. Now, scrap that.
What's bothering me is that she had been true to her word to help us graduate on October... Actually, it ended up on an earlier date---it has been moved to September and she's planning for us to take the board exam on November. Ang galing talaga ni Dean So. But gosh, the thought of it alone is giving me the involuntay chills of both nervousness and excitement.
Don't get me wrong. Gustong-gustong-GUSTO ko na talagang matapos ng Nursing this October. I want this feeling of uncertainty to end. I want this feeling of being a burden to the people who adopted me to end. I want to start living for myself already and make them let me go to learn my own ways. I want to start taking charge of my life and drive it according to my choices, guilt-free. I want to be guilt-free.
Ang problema nga lang ay ang schedule ko ng Summer Semester. Dean So laid it on our tables... She said that the schedule for our much awaited NCM 104 [that is normally offered during 1st Semester] will be from Mondays to Saturdays either 7AM-12NN or 1-5PM. Asian Civilization classes will also be offered during the remaining half-day hours of Thursdays and Fridays. Sounds good enough, eh? No. The set of instructors who accepted the offer to teach the major subject NCM104 isn't a promising set. Well, not that they aren't competent. It's just that one of them is known for his cunning and unforgiving teaching method. He is capable of too much self-degrading cruelty, while the other instructor I don't know much about.
Guess what's worst? I still have Microbiology Lecture as a back lag subject and there's no other time to take it but now. So, all in all, my schedule would look like this: Mondays to Wednesdays, 7-12 will be NCM104 and 1-5 will be Microbiology Lecture; Thursdays to Saturdays will be the continuation of NCM104 in the morning and Asian Civ in the afternoon. Imagine a fully loaded schedule like that for 2 months up until early June, and imagine where in the world will I get the energy that I will need.
When will be the time for me to read my books, to review my notes? Will I ever get the chance to do advance reading with that schedule? Can I take that much pressure? Am I ready to take the board exam on November? Do I even have the chance to pass it? Or at least, can I survive this one heck of a Summer Semester?
My Dad said I got to stop chit-chatting on YM, that's like giving up the only socialization link that I have with the world. I know I kind a suck in real life. I can be such a nutshell, boring. I am often left out... but I agree with him. I got to stop or at least, control my urge to spend so much time in front of my computer. I agree with him that I have to start reading already. Great sacrifices are required in order for me to survive this.
My whims----oh my God, my whims----I got to give them up. No more pulling-out of an all-nighter television show marathons. No more writing multi-chapter stories for Fictionpress.com and Fanfiction.net. No more going home to Bulacan. No more to procrastination. No more.
So... with this entry---I am swearing with conviction that my world will revolve only to my Microbiology, Psychiatric and Medical-Surgical books. I will allow myself a few hours in the evening to check my e-mails and and watch a few evening shows. Then, no more. Nothing more than that. OMG, I wish I will be able to live up to it. I know God would help me get through it.
2 months----Next week will be the beginning of the 2 longest months of my life.
Ut in Omnibus Glorificatur Dei.
