Nagising ako kaninang umaga na may message sa cell phone. Nung mabasa ko para ko'ng natulala for a while... Gawd, NLE exam went out already.
Isang sampal ng 98% passing rate ang nagpabalikwas sa akin ng bangon.
Pucha... Kamusta naman ang pressure para sa amin na "IRREGULAR" kung tawagin nila [ng mga school officials]? We, who are always the dark side of the coin, always lurking behind the "REGULARS'" shadow... I am happy for them but at the same time, I felt something I'm not supposed to.
Tapos, "'Ye, pasado na daw ako..."----message ni Yanii.
Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for Yanii, Iyay and Rix. Their hard work had paid off. But it just made me wonder, where does their success place me? Kakainis that it seems like their success are the measure of mine. I make it so.
I get my strength from them. I find inspiration in what I do because I have found refuge in my friendship with them... and to watch them drift away, leaving me behind as I watch them always one step ahead of me---it's a stressful sight... I know they can very well go on without having to wait for me or even include me in their plans because they don't have to. They don't need to. [Although admittedly, I wish they would---Yeah, sign of dependence.]
Truth is that they do more to me than I do for them. They are my safety net. And maybe because I have grown too comfortable with them and too dependent, that God is allowing this to happen in order to make me feel that there's nothing more factual than the reality that I have to deal with myself, alone.
I AM the only one who will have to bear with myself through tough times. I am on my own. I have to be on my own.
Dr. Christina Yang Quote from Grey's Anatomy Season 4:
"You make me sick. Have some fire. Be unstoppable. Be a force of nature. Be better than anyone here and don't give a damn what anyone thinks. There are no teams, no buddies. You're on your own. BE on your own."
Kapul naman talaga.
My quote to my groupmate early this morning who keep muttering "kung nag-board exam na tayo ngayon e di pasado na pala tayo...dami kayang nakapasa na di naman diserving o medyo mas magaling pa tayo..." Blah, blah, blah.
"Stop crying over spilt milk. It's annoying. Get over it."
That man, so full of crap.
